I feel like I just need to get some thoughts out of my head. Get them somewhere other than in my head.
Yesterday my little boy died.
He's gone. I can never hold him again, hug him, tell him how my much I love him and how proud me makes me.
I don't know what to do... I just keep having to remind myself to breath. That is all I can do, just breath.
In an instant my Zachary was taken away from me an now somehow I am supposed to keep going.
I don' know how to keep going. No one knows how to keep going. I keep asking people "What am I supposed to do?" and nobody knows.
I keep going from not believing this is all real to being so completely filled with sadness I can't even hold my self up. I just fall to the ground in a heap.
How do you go on when your baby is gone? I don't know. I know I have to. I know I have to take care of Miles. I have to make sure that he as amazing and happy as Zachary was. I know Zach would want me to take good care of his baby brother for him.
I have to take care of myself... that's hard.
How does life go on?
I wish I could just Freeze time at yesterday morning when Zach was still here. When I hugged him goodbye yesterday morning I told him I loved him and I just remember holding him and thinking what an amazing man he would grow up to be. Now he is gone. I not going to get the chance to watch go and shape into that amazing man.
I try not to think about how it happened. I am just trying to remember who he was and every little bit of life he had, every reason why he was so amazing.